remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
