somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This is classic penis vs brain.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize