My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
