walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
