So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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