im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
