would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need water and some morals
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
