well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
