i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
