so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
