yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
