so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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