should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
