and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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