oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
