im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
