he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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