I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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