If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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