I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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