well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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