anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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