So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
