sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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