He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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