I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize