Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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