he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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