Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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