i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
