Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
