Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
