I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just had sex on a roof
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
