i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize