we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
