So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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