You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
