Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
