Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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