No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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