Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
