new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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