My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
