I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I love you. Go after that dick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
