So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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