She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
