The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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