Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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