so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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