Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
