Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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