the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
