Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize