??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
