I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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