just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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