I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
