This girl is more easily done than said...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
