I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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