How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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