She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
