remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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