speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
