I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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