susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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