her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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