You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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