no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
