i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
