captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
